Enjoy your poem of nonsense
Loss is like a cup of tea
That had lost its reviving heat
The beauty you used to see
Appears in the blue skies that you'll meet
There are days when muddy clouds die away
And the sunlight shines, promising to stay
My eyes suddenly open
For the very first time
Tomorrow is simply another day
At present, nothing matters - -
Because the present will remain
Thinking back to my actions
What was I meant to be?
Was it for him?
Was it for her?
Was it for me?
No, it was for that bird
that I currently see
flying elegantly then disappears
like my past in a blink of an eye
Goals are safe
Choices are pains
Without expectations
My heart is free
My new horizon
Can be anywhere
Can be anyone
Can be anything
My stomach growled
I laughed
Because I am alive
I will find new horizons
When old ones are gone
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
How to Get Rid of Pain - Comfort Pocket Application
Pain is literally nonsense. So lets find out why. Leave a comment later when you are done.
Pain can be mental or physical. Depending on the degree, either of them can be devastating. In general, everybody is more fascinated by mental pain, because it interferes with directly who you want to be and actions you want to take. Physical pains can also interfere the same way, but if you are selfishly motivated enough, then you will find ways around these minor obstacles, but mental pain directly interferes with your beliefs before you can even take your first step. What can be done?
Physical pain is simple to handle. Get a band-aid and patch it up. If that isn't enough then seek medical advice or self heal by re-evaluating your comfort pockets. Mental pain is more difficult. What brand of band-aid are you going to use to patch up the hole in your heart? Good news is, you can get rid of the pain. Bad news is, it's much easier to prevent than getting rid of it.
First let's focus on preventing pain so that you don't add to your problems. In order to do that, you will need to recognize what pain really is. Pain is one of the emotions in this world that is defined by words. There are plenty of other types of emotions and emotional combinations that can not be explained by words at all. No matter what type of emotion it is, any emotion is actually a simple contrast to fear. That is not to simplify definitions of emotions by weighing them against each other on opposite extremes. For example, opposite of fear isn't necessarily happiness or even fearlessness. It's all a relative contrast, not unrelated individual elements that can exist on their own. I'm saying that ALL emotions are based on fear. It's like the saying that "there is only light when there's darkness to contrast it". If you don't see any shadows then everything will just be a bright blank. If there's no emotional contrast to maximum negativity then there's no emotions at all. That's why when it comes to fear, everybody is equal. Excitement is the feeling of satisfaction of outwitting fear. Anger is the aggressive feeling of fighting sadness. Sadness is the feeling of losing something in face of fear. Happiness is the feeling of gaining something in face of fear. The nature of happiness can be explained by imagining yourself doing something predictable MANY times, or actually doing it many times. For example, watching your favorite movie many times. You might be happy and excited the first few times, but your happiness will decrease the more you do it. There's a reason for this. Our ancestry and development has given us many skills to fight against danger, so anything unpredictable and creative is very appealing and exciting to us. On the other hand, if we have nothing to struggle against then our body will deteriorate due to laziness and we will lose our ability to combat our surroundings. Since our body foresees this possibility, it will resist facing predictable events over and over in two ways, one is to induce boredom as a signal to stop the activity completely, and two is to create a comfort pocket, so that we "blank out" the period of "repeats" and save our energy for more interesting events. All emotions have their explanation based on contrast of fear, but I'll focus on the pain in this piece of writing. So what is pain?
Pain is the one of the more devastating emotions because pain is the acknowledgement of fear. If you are not convinced then lets take another example. Imagine you are currently in a battlefield. You are fighting left and right, and you see people losing limbs and bleeding all over the place. Now lets imagine yourself getting punched in the face by the enemy without actually causing you any major bleeding. That punch will not probably not hurt you at all. It would probably cause a little damage, but it won't give you much pain to consider. You can call it adrenaline or whatever, but you won't acknowledge there is pain because there are much more serious damage that you observed to be happening in your surroundings. Now, lets contrast the previous bloody scenery with a calmer one. Lets say you are reading a book or enjoying a sandwich in the comfort of your living room then someone suddenly punches you in the face. Lets also assume it's the same strength as the punch we discussed in the battlefield. Would this punch hurt? Definitely. Why? The reason is because in a calm surrounding, your body's physical capabilities are not maximized by adrenaline, so in a weaker state, you are more afraid of damage even if it's just a regular punch. I'm not saying adrenaline makes you strong, but it buffs you up with high pressure body mechanisms allowing your body to take blows with less damage and less pain. In a bloody battlefield, a punch is not even recognized as something devastating, because it seems so minor. In a daily environment, however, a punch has a much higher damage value MENTALLY compared to the dangers of a battlefield. This can also be used to describe emotional pain one of the closest emotions to fear. Once pain is acknowledged, you will have trouble even making the right decisions not to mention recovering from it. To prevent that from happening, you will have to prevent and not acknowledge your fear which supports the development of pain.
Like the battlefield example earlier, pain simply does not exist if you don't acknowledge any damage has happened. This also applies to emotional pain. Lets have another example. Imagine that you are five years old and your parent yells at you and calls you a spoiled brat. At that age, and at that moment, you would probably feel hurt (if you don't then think of another example in which you are more vulnerable). Lets imagine the same parent yelled at you and called you a spoiled brat when you are one-hundred-twenty years old. Do you think you would still feel pain? Maybe a little, but I would pretty much assume your pain very little to none. Other than the fact that you have aged, you also realize that you are not a brat at that age. So it doesn't make sense to react with any form of emotional damage. What does this all mean? Pain can only happen when you acknowledge the fear that supports it. That acknowledgement happens simply because you are already a believer of the accusation before you got yelled at for it, or you have always been indecisive or ignorant of certain traits of yours, allowing someone else to cause you direct damage. Lets say for example that you believe you are a loser your whole life, then if you meet someone that accuses you of being a loser, then you will react painfully because you confirmed your feelings with outside influence. In fact, once pain is confirmed and produced, all sorts of feelings can stem from it like anger, jealousy, and hatred, but those emotions can stem from fear itself without pain as a secondary step. Does this mean that you should you have no fear? No. You should enjoy a full spectrum of emotions. Fear also sharpens your mind, due to it's nature to strengthen your resolve to struggle against your environment. Besides, your positive emotions relies on your negative emotions to exist.
Preventing pain can be done by looking at the bigger picture of your whole life (if that's not enough then involve the whole world's life), and constantly maintain a habit of looking down on your current fears to not acknowledge it's intensity and produce unnecessary amounts of pain. It's analogical to the battlefield example earlier. The reason that punch didn't hurt is simply because there are bigger and more dangerous threats out there. To prevent pain, a good idea is to think higher and much more serious things that you should consider strategically, so you can think ahead. For example, lets say you have stage fright and the pressure you have to endure by going on stage is giving you unbelievable amounts of pain. First calm down by thinking back to the purpose of going on stage. Think about the bigger meaning you are trying to express. Instead of being concerned about the stage and the audience's "pre-opinions", be concerned about why you "definitely" needed to be heard by your audience. Think of any feeling or reason that brought you here today. The reason should be so big and important that you will still push yourself to go through all the random reactions your body is giving you and deliver your message. Whatever you do, find the true purpose that motivated you to commit yourself to doing. If you are not doing anything and simply receiving instructions from teachers, parents, friends, significant others, coaches, and you are getting "sick" of it, and feeling in pain, then think about two elements. One is time, the other is purpose. For purpose, think about why you absolutely have to listen or not listen, as a direct connection to your future (which can happen really quickly if you think hard enough). For time, think about how long a your lifespan can be. If you are destined to have a short life span, then maybe you can consider doing it another way, but if you believe you are like average, with the potential to live up to at least eighty years old, then do a very quick contrast. Is the time investment dedicated to listening take up more than fifty percent of your life span? If it does, then it's time to discriminate between useful information and useless information objectively. If it does not then endure, because you know it will just be a small "sacrifice" of time in your life, considering how long "average life" can actually last. Even if you follow all these steps, you will still need to acknowledge some parts of your fears, which is a natural mechanism to keep you alive, but minimizing it is the key. However, what if you are already in pain and prevention is no longer an option?
Getting rid of pain while you are in pain is much more difficult, because you have acknowledged the pain, and you have already made the mistakes to support it (those mistakes can also be emotional). What does it mean? It means that a comfort pocket has been formed for your current pain. If you are stuck in this scenario then you will have lots of work to do to get over your pain. First step you have to take is to prevent this pain from spreading to other areas of your life. Break connections that you formed in relation to it. You have to minimize the damage before it eats up your life. For example, lets say that you just got kicked out of your house, because you were considered "useless" by others in the household (of course if you can prevent that belief it's better, but if its too late then read on.). Second step is to be taken even more strictly which is to sit down, relax and begin listing all the things you are really good at or skillful at. Don't begin judging which skill is "important" or "not important", because the key is to list it all out. Don't lie to yourself and start listing all the things you are not good at, and beginning self criticism. Just make a list. Get some pen and paper to do it (pencil is fine, or marker, or write in the sand with your finger, it doesn't matter!!!). After you made a thorough list, try to remember that no matter how bad you think of yourself, this list is not to be contaminated, because you are absolutely good at them. Don't start hypnotizing yourself into believing the opposite. Don't start believing those skills are useless, whatever they are. Maybe you believe you are really good at crying, and you believe its a very useless skill. Don't think that way. You simply don't know how to put it into practical use that can aid your success in life yet. Once you've done this, your pain shouldn't spread anymore. Third step is to look deep into your pain. Since your pain has developed, a specific comfort pocket has already been created to contain it. You will have to face it head on or you will never be able to uproot the problem. To complete this step, you have to first explain your pain in detail. Pain is a very vague emotion most of the time. There are many occurrences in which your pain can not be explained at the absence of the "source". For example, lets say you argued with your best friend and both of you "forgave each other" later on, but for some strange reason, both of you still feel an illogical "wall" or "distance". The relationship is in pain, but the reason is unclear. The reason for this phenomenon is because both of you are avoiding the real reason which is keeping the pain acknowledged and ALIVE. We usually aren't very clear as in why we are in pain. This course of action can be due to any reason, but to get rid of your pain permanently, you have to find out and do it fast. Our memories are stored in subconscious comfort pockets, so the longer you wait, the more unclear the reason of pain will become, though the truth is unchanged, it's much harder to withdraw from your memories. To do that, you will have to really think back to your pain and clearly express it into words that can describe it. Once you find out the reason for your pain, then the next step is to transform it.
Pain is a strong emotion due to it's close relationship with fear, so comfort pockets centered around it are also very strong. Forgetting and ignoring it is impossible. Don't even bother. Even if you "temporarily forget it", it will come back one day and hurt you. However, transforming it is still within the range of your abilities. There are several obstacles you have to handle to transform it.
First obstacle you should try to bypass, is the fact that you acknowledged your fear in the first place, creating this pain. Since you already did, it's impossible to reverse the deep acknowledgement. The only method remaining to resolve this obstacle is to make yourself stronger so that your pain seem much less harmful and aggressive. You will have to find more important tasks to complete. The general public relies heavily on this method but has failed to completely remedy the problem. The reason is because this method can only temporarily suppress your pain, but it doesn't contain enough strength alone to eliminate your pain completely. For example, lets say you lost your favorite pet that has been with you for ten years. Lets also say that you are two are very close, practically as close as married couples. You are in so much pain, you decided to take up tennis to forget your pain, and forget about the past. The flaw of this method is the possibility of encountering random events that can trigger this memory. Lets say you randomly meet someone who holds a pet that looks, acts, behaves exactly the same way as your dead pet. If you can't emotionally feel the pet example, then substitute the pet with family members, friends, or significant other. Imagine losing them, or maybe you already have. Any encounter has a possibility of resurfacing your past and making you suffer again. However, you'll still have to proactively find some goal to attain to bypass this first obstacle. After you complete this step, then you will have to take the next step in transformation
After you minimized the damage of your pain, then the next step is to look deeply into your pain. This step is rather difficult, so you will have to learn to take it slowly. For this step, you have to do a little meditation. If you're not a fan of meditating, now's your chance to change your mind. It doesn't involve any religion. It's only the art of mastering yourself. For this meditation, you have to relax, take deep breaths, and let your mind travel back to the time and event when you suffered the pain, for dead pet example above, that would be the moment you realized your pet was dead. I want you to think of your pain and let your mind and body suffer once more, but since we minimized it, the damage shouldn't be too serious. The reason for this exercise is because our pains are usually amplified by the pressure of the situation, so remembering it in a relaxed environment (even though you might not feel relaxed) like during meditation will allow you to look at event more clearly in a third person perspective without adding unnecessary oil to the fire of your pain. Once you remember, tears, anger, and frustration might come. It's alright, let yourself cry the cry, yell your yell. Take deep breaths and let the feelings come and go as smoothly as you can. Don't hold them in and think too much. Best option is to not think at all and just feel. Feel it come and feel it go. If you can separate different emotions apart then break them apart. Don't let them conglomerate and contaminate each other. Pain itself can be amplified by other emotions including happiness, sadness, anger, boredom, hatred, etc so be careful. Different emotions can be caused by different events you had in the past. They don't necessarily relate to your pain, but they can contribute to it, if not used right. For example, you feel pain from losing a pet you've owned for a long time. At some point you might think about the happy moments you had with your pet, and you realize those good times are over and feel pain. The pain you feel should be isolated from the happy memories you had related to the same loss. They should not contaminate each other. If you had happy memories then treat it as a once in a lifetime experience that is part of living, making it enjoyable and fruitful. Its similar to having dessert. Just savor and remember how much you enjoy the dessert you had, instead of becoming frustrated over the fact that it's poop that comes of out of your butt now. Once you completed the previous two steps then your pain is pretty much harmless, but here comes the most important part which can only happen after you completed the previous two steps.
The last obstacle to bypass is to try to understand the big picture. In other words, how this pain can help you in your future. Believe in it too. Treat it like an asset. Pain when synchronized with your whole being can aid you and become a very helpful tool. This step can be taken even after you prevented your pain from happening. For example, for the pet example earlier, consider the death of your pet as a reason to protect weak beings from being hurt. Think of destiny trying to help you understand how to feel the preciousness of life of weak creatures. You can also think of many other things the death of your pet can help you or teach how to walk the path of your life with strength.
Getting through the whole process of getting rid of pain as opposed to preventing pain can be quite time consuming and difficult so I usually don't recommend anybody take this route in life just to add some strength. There's plenty of other ways. Nevertheless, strength is strength, better than a burden. With this pain as your past and your asset, anything that repeats in the future similar to this pain will simply strengthen your resolve and increase your motivation. No matter what you do simply don't give up and you will definitely find your way.
Pain can be mental or physical. Depending on the degree, either of them can be devastating. In general, everybody is more fascinated by mental pain, because it interferes with directly who you want to be and actions you want to take. Physical pains can also interfere the same way, but if you are selfishly motivated enough, then you will find ways around these minor obstacles, but mental pain directly interferes with your beliefs before you can even take your first step. What can be done?
Physical pain is simple to handle. Get a band-aid and patch it up. If that isn't enough then seek medical advice or self heal by re-evaluating your comfort pockets. Mental pain is more difficult. What brand of band-aid are you going to use to patch up the hole in your heart? Good news is, you can get rid of the pain. Bad news is, it's much easier to prevent than getting rid of it.
First let's focus on preventing pain so that you don't add to your problems. In order to do that, you will need to recognize what pain really is. Pain is one of the emotions in this world that is defined by words. There are plenty of other types of emotions and emotional combinations that can not be explained by words at all. No matter what type of emotion it is, any emotion is actually a simple contrast to fear. That is not to simplify definitions of emotions by weighing them against each other on opposite extremes. For example, opposite of fear isn't necessarily happiness or even fearlessness. It's all a relative contrast, not unrelated individual elements that can exist on their own. I'm saying that ALL emotions are based on fear. It's like the saying that "there is only light when there's darkness to contrast it". If you don't see any shadows then everything will just be a bright blank. If there's no emotional contrast to maximum negativity then there's no emotions at all. That's why when it comes to fear, everybody is equal. Excitement is the feeling of satisfaction of outwitting fear. Anger is the aggressive feeling of fighting sadness. Sadness is the feeling of losing something in face of fear. Happiness is the feeling of gaining something in face of fear. The nature of happiness can be explained by imagining yourself doing something predictable MANY times, or actually doing it many times. For example, watching your favorite movie many times. You might be happy and excited the first few times, but your happiness will decrease the more you do it. There's a reason for this. Our ancestry and development has given us many skills to fight against danger, so anything unpredictable and creative is very appealing and exciting to us. On the other hand, if we have nothing to struggle against then our body will deteriorate due to laziness and we will lose our ability to combat our surroundings. Since our body foresees this possibility, it will resist facing predictable events over and over in two ways, one is to induce boredom as a signal to stop the activity completely, and two is to create a comfort pocket, so that we "blank out" the period of "repeats" and save our energy for more interesting events. All emotions have their explanation based on contrast of fear, but I'll focus on the pain in this piece of writing. So what is pain?
Pain is the one of the more devastating emotions because pain is the acknowledgement of fear. If you are not convinced then lets take another example. Imagine you are currently in a battlefield. You are fighting left and right, and you see people losing limbs and bleeding all over the place. Now lets imagine yourself getting punched in the face by the enemy without actually causing you any major bleeding. That punch will not probably not hurt you at all. It would probably cause a little damage, but it won't give you much pain to consider. You can call it adrenaline or whatever, but you won't acknowledge there is pain because there are much more serious damage that you observed to be happening in your surroundings. Now, lets contrast the previous bloody scenery with a calmer one. Lets say you are reading a book or enjoying a sandwich in the comfort of your living room then someone suddenly punches you in the face. Lets also assume it's the same strength as the punch we discussed in the battlefield. Would this punch hurt? Definitely. Why? The reason is because in a calm surrounding, your body's physical capabilities are not maximized by adrenaline, so in a weaker state, you are more afraid of damage even if it's just a regular punch. I'm not saying adrenaline makes you strong, but it buffs you up with high pressure body mechanisms allowing your body to take blows with less damage and less pain. In a bloody battlefield, a punch is not even recognized as something devastating, because it seems so minor. In a daily environment, however, a punch has a much higher damage value MENTALLY compared to the dangers of a battlefield. This can also be used to describe emotional pain one of the closest emotions to fear. Once pain is acknowledged, you will have trouble even making the right decisions not to mention recovering from it. To prevent that from happening, you will have to prevent and not acknowledge your fear which supports the development of pain.
Like the battlefield example earlier, pain simply does not exist if you don't acknowledge any damage has happened. This also applies to emotional pain. Lets have another example. Imagine that you are five years old and your parent yells at you and calls you a spoiled brat. At that age, and at that moment, you would probably feel hurt (if you don't then think of another example in which you are more vulnerable). Lets imagine the same parent yelled at you and called you a spoiled brat when you are one-hundred-twenty years old. Do you think you would still feel pain? Maybe a little, but I would pretty much assume your pain very little to none. Other than the fact that you have aged, you also realize that you are not a brat at that age. So it doesn't make sense to react with any form of emotional damage. What does this all mean? Pain can only happen when you acknowledge the fear that supports it. That acknowledgement happens simply because you are already a believer of the accusation before you got yelled at for it, or you have always been indecisive or ignorant of certain traits of yours, allowing someone else to cause you direct damage. Lets say for example that you believe you are a loser your whole life, then if you meet someone that accuses you of being a loser, then you will react painfully because you confirmed your feelings with outside influence. In fact, once pain is confirmed and produced, all sorts of feelings can stem from it like anger, jealousy, and hatred, but those emotions can stem from fear itself without pain as a secondary step. Does this mean that you should you have no fear? No. You should enjoy a full spectrum of emotions. Fear also sharpens your mind, due to it's nature to strengthen your resolve to struggle against your environment. Besides, your positive emotions relies on your negative emotions to exist.
Preventing pain can be done by looking at the bigger picture of your whole life (if that's not enough then involve the whole world's life), and constantly maintain a habit of looking down on your current fears to not acknowledge it's intensity and produce unnecessary amounts of pain. It's analogical to the battlefield example earlier. The reason that punch didn't hurt is simply because there are bigger and more dangerous threats out there. To prevent pain, a good idea is to think higher and much more serious things that you should consider strategically, so you can think ahead. For example, lets say you have stage fright and the pressure you have to endure by going on stage is giving you unbelievable amounts of pain. First calm down by thinking back to the purpose of going on stage. Think about the bigger meaning you are trying to express. Instead of being concerned about the stage and the audience's "pre-opinions", be concerned about why you "definitely" needed to be heard by your audience. Think of any feeling or reason that brought you here today. The reason should be so big and important that you will still push yourself to go through all the random reactions your body is giving you and deliver your message. Whatever you do, find the true purpose that motivated you to commit yourself to doing. If you are not doing anything and simply receiving instructions from teachers, parents, friends, significant others, coaches, and you are getting "sick" of it, and feeling in pain, then think about two elements. One is time, the other is purpose. For purpose, think about why you absolutely have to listen or not listen, as a direct connection to your future (which can happen really quickly if you think hard enough). For time, think about how long a your lifespan can be. If you are destined to have a short life span, then maybe you can consider doing it another way, but if you believe you are like average, with the potential to live up to at least eighty years old, then do a very quick contrast. Is the time investment dedicated to listening take up more than fifty percent of your life span? If it does, then it's time to discriminate between useful information and useless information objectively. If it does not then endure, because you know it will just be a small "sacrifice" of time in your life, considering how long "average life" can actually last. Even if you follow all these steps, you will still need to acknowledge some parts of your fears, which is a natural mechanism to keep you alive, but minimizing it is the key. However, what if you are already in pain and prevention is no longer an option?
Getting rid of pain while you are in pain is much more difficult, because you have acknowledged the pain, and you have already made the mistakes to support it (those mistakes can also be emotional). What does it mean? It means that a comfort pocket has been formed for your current pain. If you are stuck in this scenario then you will have lots of work to do to get over your pain. First step you have to take is to prevent this pain from spreading to other areas of your life. Break connections that you formed in relation to it. You have to minimize the damage before it eats up your life. For example, lets say that you just got kicked out of your house, because you were considered "useless" by others in the household (of course if you can prevent that belief it's better, but if its too late then read on.). Second step is to be taken even more strictly which is to sit down, relax and begin listing all the things you are really good at or skillful at. Don't begin judging which skill is "important" or "not important", because the key is to list it all out. Don't lie to yourself and start listing all the things you are not good at, and beginning self criticism. Just make a list. Get some pen and paper to do it (pencil is fine, or marker, or write in the sand with your finger, it doesn't matter!!!). After you made a thorough list, try to remember that no matter how bad you think of yourself, this list is not to be contaminated, because you are absolutely good at them. Don't start hypnotizing yourself into believing the opposite. Don't start believing those skills are useless, whatever they are. Maybe you believe you are really good at crying, and you believe its a very useless skill. Don't think that way. You simply don't know how to put it into practical use that can aid your success in life yet. Once you've done this, your pain shouldn't spread anymore. Third step is to look deep into your pain. Since your pain has developed, a specific comfort pocket has already been created to contain it. You will have to face it head on or you will never be able to uproot the problem. To complete this step, you have to first explain your pain in detail. Pain is a very vague emotion most of the time. There are many occurrences in which your pain can not be explained at the absence of the "source". For example, lets say you argued with your best friend and both of you "forgave each other" later on, but for some strange reason, both of you still feel an illogical "wall" or "distance". The relationship is in pain, but the reason is unclear. The reason for this phenomenon is because both of you are avoiding the real reason which is keeping the pain acknowledged and ALIVE. We usually aren't very clear as in why we are in pain. This course of action can be due to any reason, but to get rid of your pain permanently, you have to find out and do it fast. Our memories are stored in subconscious comfort pockets, so the longer you wait, the more unclear the reason of pain will become, though the truth is unchanged, it's much harder to withdraw from your memories. To do that, you will have to really think back to your pain and clearly express it into words that can describe it. Once you find out the reason for your pain, then the next step is to transform it.
Pain is a strong emotion due to it's close relationship with fear, so comfort pockets centered around it are also very strong. Forgetting and ignoring it is impossible. Don't even bother. Even if you "temporarily forget it", it will come back one day and hurt you. However, transforming it is still within the range of your abilities. There are several obstacles you have to handle to transform it.
First obstacle you should try to bypass, is the fact that you acknowledged your fear in the first place, creating this pain. Since you already did, it's impossible to reverse the deep acknowledgement. The only method remaining to resolve this obstacle is to make yourself stronger so that your pain seem much less harmful and aggressive. You will have to find more important tasks to complete. The general public relies heavily on this method but has failed to completely remedy the problem. The reason is because this method can only temporarily suppress your pain, but it doesn't contain enough strength alone to eliminate your pain completely. For example, lets say you lost your favorite pet that has been with you for ten years. Lets also say that you are two are very close, practically as close as married couples. You are in so much pain, you decided to take up tennis to forget your pain, and forget about the past. The flaw of this method is the possibility of encountering random events that can trigger this memory. Lets say you randomly meet someone who holds a pet that looks, acts, behaves exactly the same way as your dead pet. If you can't emotionally feel the pet example, then substitute the pet with family members, friends, or significant other. Imagine losing them, or maybe you already have. Any encounter has a possibility of resurfacing your past and making you suffer again. However, you'll still have to proactively find some goal to attain to bypass this first obstacle. After you complete this step, then you will have to take the next step in transformation
After you minimized the damage of your pain, then the next step is to look deeply into your pain. This step is rather difficult, so you will have to learn to take it slowly. For this step, you have to do a little meditation. If you're not a fan of meditating, now's your chance to change your mind. It doesn't involve any religion. It's only the art of mastering yourself. For this meditation, you have to relax, take deep breaths, and let your mind travel back to the time and event when you suffered the pain, for dead pet example above, that would be the moment you realized your pet was dead. I want you to think of your pain and let your mind and body suffer once more, but since we minimized it, the damage shouldn't be too serious. The reason for this exercise is because our pains are usually amplified by the pressure of the situation, so remembering it in a relaxed environment (even though you might not feel relaxed) like during meditation will allow you to look at event more clearly in a third person perspective without adding unnecessary oil to the fire of your pain. Once you remember, tears, anger, and frustration might come. It's alright, let yourself cry the cry, yell your yell. Take deep breaths and let the feelings come and go as smoothly as you can. Don't hold them in and think too much. Best option is to not think at all and just feel. Feel it come and feel it go. If you can separate different emotions apart then break them apart. Don't let them conglomerate and contaminate each other. Pain itself can be amplified by other emotions including happiness, sadness, anger, boredom, hatred, etc so be careful. Different emotions can be caused by different events you had in the past. They don't necessarily relate to your pain, but they can contribute to it, if not used right. For example, you feel pain from losing a pet you've owned for a long time. At some point you might think about the happy moments you had with your pet, and you realize those good times are over and feel pain. The pain you feel should be isolated from the happy memories you had related to the same loss. They should not contaminate each other. If you had happy memories then treat it as a once in a lifetime experience that is part of living, making it enjoyable and fruitful. Its similar to having dessert. Just savor and remember how much you enjoy the dessert you had, instead of becoming frustrated over the fact that it's poop that comes of out of your butt now. Once you completed the previous two steps then your pain is pretty much harmless, but here comes the most important part which can only happen after you completed the previous two steps.
The last obstacle to bypass is to try to understand the big picture. In other words, how this pain can help you in your future. Believe in it too. Treat it like an asset. Pain when synchronized with your whole being can aid you and become a very helpful tool. This step can be taken even after you prevented your pain from happening. For example, for the pet example earlier, consider the death of your pet as a reason to protect weak beings from being hurt. Think of destiny trying to help you understand how to feel the preciousness of life of weak creatures. You can also think of many other things the death of your pet can help you or teach how to walk the path of your life with strength.
Getting through the whole process of getting rid of pain as opposed to preventing pain can be quite time consuming and difficult so I usually don't recommend anybody take this route in life just to add some strength. There's plenty of other ways. Nevertheless, strength is strength, better than a burden. With this pain as your past and your asset, anything that repeats in the future similar to this pain will simply strengthen your resolve and increase your motivation. No matter what you do simply don't give up and you will definitely find your way.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Do People Close to You Repeat a Pattern of Negative Feedback? - Selfish Motivation Variation
Nonsense are not meant to be negative and I'll do my best to maintain neutrality in this topic. Don't worry, this is all nonsense so nobody was really hurt =P. If you have anything to say, please don't hesitate to leave a comment below.
"It's been a long time". Recently, I hear myself saying that a lot. It's a way I try to feel nostalgic about my historical time line by letting old memories flash through my head multiple times. That's cool, because I think that cherishing our timeline, no matter what happened is important since it made us who we are, in other words- our comfort pockets. However, no matter where I go, who I meet, same patterns repeat themselves over and over again. Now, why is that?
In case my audience forgot let me remind you that I'm a guy, and I am straight. What does that mean? It means I like women. I happen to have dated many women in the past, and no it doesn't mean that I have resourceful dating wisdom, because it simply doesn't reach that conclusion. The reason is because all of those experiences were painful to recall. After so many years of these experiences, I have finally concluded that I have issues, or maybe I just happen to run into plenty of incompatible women through some weird twist of fate. I can even show you a formula of what always happens whenever I date. It goes something like this:
1. I meet a woman I like and we talk
2. She thinks I am funny (I'm guessing. Let's just assume I can read her mind for this piece of writing's sake)
3. We date a few times
4. She was happy, cool, and funny at first
5. Then she talks less, acts cold, sneezes more (okay maybe they don't all sneeze more)
6. I feel disappointed and I ignore them as a reaction to their behaviors
7. We never talk again and I search for someone else that might be more compatible
Clearly, it's not any of the women's fault because this pattern repeats ALL the time. Well, sometimes I will ask them why they suddenly become cold. They give me some reasons like I don't pursue them enough, buy gifts, prove myself through their test. Those answers are obviously a part of their comfort pockets created by their experiences, and beliefs so I don't even bother asking them anymore for answers. Most often I don't understand myself very well, so I don't expect anybody else to be able to. If I continue to pursue them for an answer, then it's analogical to asking an uneducated janitor about the history of mops and brooms. Both of us won't reach a satisfying conclusion.
This doesn't only happen in my daily life. It happens in my social circles, family, and even my closest friends. For the sake of this piece of writing, I'll call myself the "victim" in all those situations. Yes, you can conclude that people who behaves that way towards me probably had a reason, or they are uncomfortable with me. Yes, I completely agree with you, but that's outside the scope of this piece of writing. We are only going to focus on the reasons I keep stimulating this pattern from the environment around me. Without other components, there's only one conclusion we can make here, and that would be selfish motivation.
As I mentioned in my previous articles, selfish motivation is the only form of motivation we all have that allows us to do great things. When you reach the ultimate form of your selfish motivation, you will also reach true altruism. The reason is because you are so satisfied with the way you live that you will find it too difficult not to share with others since everything is an excess to you. If you want to read about it then go ahead here to get a feel of what it is. So how does selfish motivation relate with my problem? Is it a problem with my selfish motivation or the women I chased after?
The problem is from both of us. The women that I met had their selfish motivation triggered by the selfish motivation of my own. It's undeniable that everybody wants recognition and appreciation for their own existence. Nobody is an exception. People I meet see the potential in the new connection that I can form with them (potential can go in all directions, including doing harm). Meeting somebody for the first time always creates, for both of us a subconscious expectation that there's some "potential" for further development due to this meeting/ relationship (does not have to be sexual). This is enough to trigger a selfish motivation in someone. For example, my selfish motivation for meeting a girl can be for her to be my girlfriend. She would agree to this development if she agrees to my intentions. If she has no selfish motivation for that to happen, then she'll simply disagree, and the relationship is ruined. That's the reason why girls turn cold after they've been nice to you for a while. They enjoy your company in the beginning but realized that they wanted to stay in the "friend zone". Since your selfish motivation conflicts with her's, the relationship becomes detached. This is the ultimate reason why the problem is from both of us, yet it's not at the same time. Neither one of us is at fault. If things turns out this way, it simply wasn't meant to be. Her selfish motivation simply didn't find the possibility of developing a deeper relationship between us, and that's fine.
This is the key reason why people blood-related to you or those in "close" relationship with you might repeat a pattern of negative feedback. You both don't have a mutual motivation for keeping up a good relationship. For example, some parents (not all) will find their children useless and unimportant to their existence.They have clearly little to no motivation to raising their children. They could feel that having children is many more times an expense than a profit. Some parents I know look at their child like a stack of bills or wrinkle cream (that causes wrinkle). In these scenarios, parents will look at their child as a mistake or "the condom broken at the wrong moment" or some other negative analogy. These children are often abandoned or heavily neglected in different ways. However, there are parents that appreciate their own children and treasure their existence more than their own lives. In their case, motivation for raising their children is their love for them. For there to be no patterns of negative feed backs in relationship, people have to find reasons and motivations for being together positively.
If society's standard of selfish motivation have reached its ultimate state, then we will all live in true state of peace and harmony, because we will all not hesitate to help each other out. Why? It's because people are so satisfied emotionally, mentally, and passionately that everything becomes an excess to them. They are so content that these things don't matter to them anymore. It is the most fair, advanced, and powerful form of trade between everybody.
Meeting someone is only a shallow form of connection that anybody can form. Just saying "hi" to someone can already trigger this. Your selfish motivation for forming such a temporary connection might be for the sake of asking for time, to feel good afterwards, or to make a friend. If you say "I said hi cause I felt like it", then that's still a selfish motivation because you're doing something for a return of a satisfying feeling. Connections are necessary with people you meet or else the relationship will not work, because there's no comfort pocket formed. In that case there will be no reason for the two different individuals to stay together beyond some form of formality like "boyfriend" or " father". In this case, the relationship is more of an obligation instead of a selfish motivation. If this happens to you then you will always feel a certain distance with people "close" to you.
To conclude this piece of writing. We all have selfish motivations to pursue a more powerful form of connection that helps us appreciate our very form of existence in this world. This also applies to people we try to connect with. If your comfort pocket don't include any form of technique that can be used to comprehend other people's selfish motivation, then your existence will always be outside other people's needs. People who don't have the reason to stay with you will not be with you. It's always important to polish your feelings, personality, and emotions, be the best of who you are with the potential given to you by the heavens. Use this to form the best selfish motivation inside your comfort pocket.
"It's been a long time". Recently, I hear myself saying that a lot. It's a way I try to feel nostalgic about my historical time line by letting old memories flash through my head multiple times. That's cool, because I think that cherishing our timeline, no matter what happened is important since it made us who we are, in other words- our comfort pockets. However, no matter where I go, who I meet, same patterns repeat themselves over and over again. Now, why is that?
In case my audience forgot let me remind you that I'm a guy, and I am straight. What does that mean? It means I like women. I happen to have dated many women in the past, and no it doesn't mean that I have resourceful dating wisdom, because it simply doesn't reach that conclusion. The reason is because all of those experiences were painful to recall. After so many years of these experiences, I have finally concluded that I have issues, or maybe I just happen to run into plenty of incompatible women through some weird twist of fate. I can even show you a formula of what always happens whenever I date. It goes something like this:
1. I meet a woman I like and we talk
2. She thinks I am funny (I'm guessing. Let's just assume I can read her mind for this piece of writing's sake)
3. We date a few times
4. She was happy, cool, and funny at first
5. Then she talks less, acts cold, sneezes more (okay maybe they don't all sneeze more)
6. I feel disappointed and I ignore them as a reaction to their behaviors
7. We never talk again and I search for someone else that might be more compatible
Clearly, it's not any of the women's fault because this pattern repeats ALL the time. Well, sometimes I will ask them why they suddenly become cold. They give me some reasons like I don't pursue them enough, buy gifts, prove myself through their test. Those answers are obviously a part of their comfort pockets created by their experiences, and beliefs so I don't even bother asking them anymore for answers. Most often I don't understand myself very well, so I don't expect anybody else to be able to. If I continue to pursue them for an answer, then it's analogical to asking an uneducated janitor about the history of mops and brooms. Both of us won't reach a satisfying conclusion.
This doesn't only happen in my daily life. It happens in my social circles, family, and even my closest friends. For the sake of this piece of writing, I'll call myself the "victim" in all those situations. Yes, you can conclude that people who behaves that way towards me probably had a reason, or they are uncomfortable with me. Yes, I completely agree with you, but that's outside the scope of this piece of writing. We are only going to focus on the reasons I keep stimulating this pattern from the environment around me. Without other components, there's only one conclusion we can make here, and that would be selfish motivation.
As I mentioned in my previous articles, selfish motivation is the only form of motivation we all have that allows us to do great things. When you reach the ultimate form of your selfish motivation, you will also reach true altruism. The reason is because you are so satisfied with the way you live that you will find it too difficult not to share with others since everything is an excess to you. If you want to read about it then go ahead here to get a feel of what it is. So how does selfish motivation relate with my problem? Is it a problem with my selfish motivation or the women I chased after?
The problem is from both of us. The women that I met had their selfish motivation triggered by the selfish motivation of my own. It's undeniable that everybody wants recognition and appreciation for their own existence. Nobody is an exception. People I meet see the potential in the new connection that I can form with them (potential can go in all directions, including doing harm). Meeting somebody for the first time always creates, for both of us a subconscious expectation that there's some "potential" for further development due to this meeting/ relationship (does not have to be sexual). This is enough to trigger a selfish motivation in someone. For example, my selfish motivation for meeting a girl can be for her to be my girlfriend. She would agree to this development if she agrees to my intentions. If she has no selfish motivation for that to happen, then she'll simply disagree, and the relationship is ruined. That's the reason why girls turn cold after they've been nice to you for a while. They enjoy your company in the beginning but realized that they wanted to stay in the "friend zone". Since your selfish motivation conflicts with her's, the relationship becomes detached. This is the ultimate reason why the problem is from both of us, yet it's not at the same time. Neither one of us is at fault. If things turns out this way, it simply wasn't meant to be. Her selfish motivation simply didn't find the possibility of developing a deeper relationship between us, and that's fine.
This is the key reason why people blood-related to you or those in "close" relationship with you might repeat a pattern of negative feedback. You both don't have a mutual motivation for keeping up a good relationship. For example, some parents (not all) will find their children useless and unimportant to their existence.They have clearly little to no motivation to raising their children. They could feel that having children is many more times an expense than a profit. Some parents I know look at their child like a stack of bills or wrinkle cream (that causes wrinkle). In these scenarios, parents will look at their child as a mistake or "the condom broken at the wrong moment" or some other negative analogy. These children are often abandoned or heavily neglected in different ways. However, there are parents that appreciate their own children and treasure their existence more than their own lives. In their case, motivation for raising their children is their love for them. For there to be no patterns of negative feed backs in relationship, people have to find reasons and motivations for being together positively.
If society's standard of selfish motivation have reached its ultimate state, then we will all live in true state of peace and harmony, because we will all not hesitate to help each other out. Why? It's because people are so satisfied emotionally, mentally, and passionately that everything becomes an excess to them. They are so content that these things don't matter to them anymore. It is the most fair, advanced, and powerful form of trade between everybody.
Meeting someone is only a shallow form of connection that anybody can form. Just saying "hi" to someone can already trigger this. Your selfish motivation for forming such a temporary connection might be for the sake of asking for time, to feel good afterwards, or to make a friend. If you say "I said hi cause I felt like it", then that's still a selfish motivation because you're doing something for a return of a satisfying feeling. Connections are necessary with people you meet or else the relationship will not work, because there's no comfort pocket formed. In that case there will be no reason for the two different individuals to stay together beyond some form of formality like "boyfriend" or " father". In this case, the relationship is more of an obligation instead of a selfish motivation. If this happens to you then you will always feel a certain distance with people "close" to you.
To conclude this piece of writing. We all have selfish motivations to pursue a more powerful form of connection that helps us appreciate our very form of existence in this world. This also applies to people we try to connect with. If your comfort pocket don't include any form of technique that can be used to comprehend other people's selfish motivation, then your existence will always be outside other people's needs. People who don't have the reason to stay with you will not be with you. It's always important to polish your feelings, personality, and emotions, be the best of who you are with the potential given to you by the heavens. Use this to form the best selfish motivation inside your comfort pocket.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
How to Get Your Appetite Back- Fight Against Anorexia
Here's some nonsense about regaining your appetite. It's nonsense so you have the right not to believe me. If you have anything to say then please don't hesitate to leave a comment below.
Anorexia is a pretty serious problem. Unless you mastered kundalini or any form of meditation training; then I highly doubt you can live without eating. If your problem with eating started just when your mother gave birth to you, then that will be a different issue, but I'm assuming that you are one of those people who's not eating for a "reason". The following will address everything related to that.
Do we hate eating? Not really. It's very rare to actually have hatred for food. I say rare because I've never seen anyone who has a natural tendency to hate eating. I'm not talking about eating anything specifically like meat or dairy because having dislike towards a specific group of food only can consist of other factors (such as allergic reactions or vegetarianism). Such dislikes are besides the "reason" that we're going to discuss. We'll be talking about hating to eat anything in general and the related cases.
If you're reading this then you most likely know someone that has eating issues, or are having those issues yourself. Anorexia is technically not a problem of the mind, but the problem of the emotions. This means that the problem cannot be solved with just trying to persuade yourself by thinking that "eating is necessary". Anorexia is not a problem that involves our logical thoughts or reasoning, it's a feeling that's very deep inside of you that can't be deliberately changed. To understand how to relieve yourself from anorexia, you would have to understand your emotions and reflect upon its origins to unwind this feeling.
To understand the origins of our emotions, we have to discuss about comfort pocket. "Comfort pocket" is a term I have invented for defining the real you subconsciously, the you that acts on according to your daily activities and habits. Comfort pocket is not something we are born with. A baby is not born to know how to read or speak. Comfort pockets are what we create in daily life to go through our experiences with ease and less effort. It gives us the most comfort for doing what we do without having to think twice. When you think back to the past events during the day (try it now) your events will be quite blurry and hard to recall. The reason for this is because your body and mind is acting on subconscious, in other words, your comfort pocket. The things we do was done so often everyday that we created a gap in our memories! Your body is acting according to what you usually do the same as always so that you think as little as possible and spend as little energy as possible. The events throughout the day are not lost nor non existed just cause your body was acting upon comfort pocket. Those memories are still within you, in the back of your mind and able to recall if you think hard, and deep enough. Now that we know on a basic level of what comfort pocket is, let's discuss the comfort pocket of eating.
To eat on a daily basis is based partially on instincts and partially on habit. Nobody ever said you have to eat three times a day, specifically breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Nobody ever said you have to eat everyday. In fact, you can play around with your liver's glycogen storage by skipping a day of food from time to time, and eating every other day. So instead of eating on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday....till Sunday, you can surely choose to eat on just Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday! So why do most of us eat three meals a day? It's simply a pleasurable habit. It's very simple how all of us dislikes the discomfort of an empty stomach. Except for those of you who have that "reason" that brought you here to read my writing. Busy people have busy days. To complete all events, they usually skip meals cause they have no time for that kind of pleasure. When done so daily that it becomes a habit, then skipping meals eventually turns to a comfort pocket. It becomes so effortless and easy that the person doesn't even think twice about skipping meals cause it's always done this way. However, those extremes only happen when you develop a comfort pocket that overlaps your comfort pocket for eating and takes over. That sounds decently confusing. To summarize, we have a comfort pocket for eating but there are also those who have an excuse for not eating (and does it so daily) and let a newly formed comfort pocket take over. Let me state honestly, that this is the "reason" for anorexia.
Clearly what I'm getting at is that people develop anorexia based on a brand new comfort pocket. Not that all people can complete a comfort pocket of not eating, but if they do, they can develop anorexia. Comfort pocket holds beliefs, experiences, habits, techniques, and whole loads of other stuff, so it's technically a brain you can't control, or an addiction you can't get rid of ---unless, that is you overwhelm it with an even stronger comfort pocket. I listed "belief" as one of the element of comfort pocket, so once the comfort pocket is established, it can no longer be ridden off unless you cover it up. I have stated in previous articles, destroying a comfort pocket is unnecessary and dangerous. The daily activities that we're so used to is our comfort pocket, destroying a comfort pocket is destroying a common habit. So it is absurd to destroy your comfort pocket forcefully, or else you are very likely to turn insane. Have you ever had a very strong belief for something? This belief is so strong that you can argue with anyone that tries to persuade you against your belief. That's a kind of comfort pocket. People with anorexia developed a belief, one so strong that if they tried to eat forcefully, they are likely to do more torture to themselves (like committing suicide) than they already were. The more high quality (and more developed) their comfort world is built, the more dangerous it'll be if that comfort pocket is destroyed. To sum it up, the solution to handling a comfort pocket for anorexia, will be developing a belief that is even more reasonable than "not eating".
People with anorexia don't really hate eating. Their comfort pocket will remind them from time to time to eat, but the "belief" for not eating is so strong, it forces back their original comfort pocket for "eating to survive". If you studied biology, then you'll probably realize it's almost like a cell trying to self destruct due to genetic mutation. Comfort pocket has many doors, or elements to it that can be approached from the outside. For example, if the target can simply develop a habit that constitute an element of eating every day that's "impossible" to throw up, then that might work. Or you can develop a game where you challenge the target to keep the swallowed food in their stomach for a certain amount of time without throwing up, and allowing them to throw up after certain amounts of time. As days pass by, the target will develop a technique to fight against their current comfort pocket of disgust for food, and hold in the food longer without throwing up. Even suggesting such technique can give the person a more high- spirited look-out to what they have to surpass. If they master this or whatever good technique you can think of, then as days pass by, they won't have chance to throw up anymore, because the food is digested by the time they feel like throwing up. These are just examples. Look at my writing about comfort pocket abridged, or the long version to figure out what element of comfort pocket you can work at to handle your, or your friend's problem. Comfort pocket have arms that can link to possibilities so you will have to find opportunities that can be approached to these links for you to reach the core of the problem
Anorexia is not a comfort pocket that came alone. In fact, it must have a source that triggered it. For example, let's say a weight lifter has anorexia. The original source of his problem could be because someone commented that his body has too much fat that can not be lost in time for a "contest" for example. Figuring out the source of the problem should be your main priority, and try to find links to the core of the problem. Sometimes, knowing the source of the problem doesn't necessarily solve the problem, because the target might no longer be concerned about the source of the problem, for example, someone made fun of the target, but rather the target might feel "obligation" or "appropriateness" to stay depressed as a habit that is developed into a subtle comfort pocket much earlier in their lifetime.
To sum it up, finding the source of the problem or using one method to change the mind of the target is not enough. You must search deeper into target's past to find out why certain beliefs are so stubbornly kept.
Anorexia is a pretty serious problem. Unless you mastered kundalini or any form of meditation training; then I highly doubt you can live without eating. If your problem with eating started just when your mother gave birth to you, then that will be a different issue, but I'm assuming that you are one of those people who's not eating for a "reason". The following will address everything related to that.
Do we hate eating? Not really. It's very rare to actually have hatred for food. I say rare because I've never seen anyone who has a natural tendency to hate eating. I'm not talking about eating anything specifically like meat or dairy because having dislike towards a specific group of food only can consist of other factors (such as allergic reactions or vegetarianism). Such dislikes are besides the "reason" that we're going to discuss. We'll be talking about hating to eat anything in general and the related cases.
If you're reading this then you most likely know someone that has eating issues, or are having those issues yourself. Anorexia is technically not a problem of the mind, but the problem of the emotions. This means that the problem cannot be solved with just trying to persuade yourself by thinking that "eating is necessary". Anorexia is not a problem that involves our logical thoughts or reasoning, it's a feeling that's very deep inside of you that can't be deliberately changed. To understand how to relieve yourself from anorexia, you would have to understand your emotions and reflect upon its origins to unwind this feeling.
To understand the origins of our emotions, we have to discuss about comfort pocket. "Comfort pocket" is a term I have invented for defining the real you subconsciously, the you that acts on according to your daily activities and habits. Comfort pocket is not something we are born with. A baby is not born to know how to read or speak. Comfort pockets are what we create in daily life to go through our experiences with ease and less effort. It gives us the most comfort for doing what we do without having to think twice. When you think back to the past events during the day (try it now) your events will be quite blurry and hard to recall. The reason for this is because your body and mind is acting on subconscious, in other words, your comfort pocket. The things we do was done so often everyday that we created a gap in our memories! Your body is acting according to what you usually do the same as always so that you think as little as possible and spend as little energy as possible. The events throughout the day are not lost nor non existed just cause your body was acting upon comfort pocket. Those memories are still within you, in the back of your mind and able to recall if you think hard, and deep enough. Now that we know on a basic level of what comfort pocket is, let's discuss the comfort pocket of eating.
To eat on a daily basis is based partially on instincts and partially on habit. Nobody ever said you have to eat three times a day, specifically breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Nobody ever said you have to eat everyday. In fact, you can play around with your liver's glycogen storage by skipping a day of food from time to time, and eating every other day. So instead of eating on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday....till Sunday, you can surely choose to eat on just Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday! So why do most of us eat three meals a day? It's simply a pleasurable habit. It's very simple how all of us dislikes the discomfort of an empty stomach. Except for those of you who have that "reason" that brought you here to read my writing. Busy people have busy days. To complete all events, they usually skip meals cause they have no time for that kind of pleasure. When done so daily that it becomes a habit, then skipping meals eventually turns to a comfort pocket. It becomes so effortless and easy that the person doesn't even think twice about skipping meals cause it's always done this way. However, those extremes only happen when you develop a comfort pocket that overlaps your comfort pocket for eating and takes over. That sounds decently confusing. To summarize, we have a comfort pocket for eating but there are also those who have an excuse for not eating (and does it so daily) and let a newly formed comfort pocket take over. Let me state honestly, that this is the "reason" for anorexia.
Clearly what I'm getting at is that people develop anorexia based on a brand new comfort pocket. Not that all people can complete a comfort pocket of not eating, but if they do, they can develop anorexia. Comfort pocket holds beliefs, experiences, habits, techniques, and whole loads of other stuff, so it's technically a brain you can't control, or an addiction you can't get rid of ---unless, that is you overwhelm it with an even stronger comfort pocket. I listed "belief" as one of the element of comfort pocket, so once the comfort pocket is established, it can no longer be ridden off unless you cover it up. I have stated in previous articles, destroying a comfort pocket is unnecessary and dangerous. The daily activities that we're so used to is our comfort pocket, destroying a comfort pocket is destroying a common habit. So it is absurd to destroy your comfort pocket forcefully, or else you are very likely to turn insane. Have you ever had a very strong belief for something? This belief is so strong that you can argue with anyone that tries to persuade you against your belief. That's a kind of comfort pocket. People with anorexia developed a belief, one so strong that if they tried to eat forcefully, they are likely to do more torture to themselves (like committing suicide) than they already were. The more high quality (and more developed) their comfort world is built, the more dangerous it'll be if that comfort pocket is destroyed. To sum it up, the solution to handling a comfort pocket for anorexia, will be developing a belief that is even more reasonable than "not eating".
People with anorexia don't really hate eating. Their comfort pocket will remind them from time to time to eat, but the "belief" for not eating is so strong, it forces back their original comfort pocket for "eating to survive". If you studied biology, then you'll probably realize it's almost like a cell trying to self destruct due to genetic mutation. Comfort pocket has many doors, or elements to it that can be approached from the outside. For example, if the target can simply develop a habit that constitute an element of eating every day that's "impossible" to throw up, then that might work. Or you can develop a game where you challenge the target to keep the swallowed food in their stomach for a certain amount of time without throwing up, and allowing them to throw up after certain amounts of time. As days pass by, the target will develop a technique to fight against their current comfort pocket of disgust for food, and hold in the food longer without throwing up. Even suggesting such technique can give the person a more high- spirited look-out to what they have to surpass. If they master this or whatever good technique you can think of, then as days pass by, they won't have chance to throw up anymore, because the food is digested by the time they feel like throwing up. These are just examples. Look at my writing about comfort pocket abridged, or the long version to figure out what element of comfort pocket you can work at to handle your, or your friend's problem. Comfort pocket have arms that can link to possibilities so you will have to find opportunities that can be approached to these links for you to reach the core of the problem
Anorexia is not a comfort pocket that came alone. In fact, it must have a source that triggered it. For example, let's say a weight lifter has anorexia. The original source of his problem could be because someone commented that his body has too much fat that can not be lost in time for a "contest" for example. Figuring out the source of the problem should be your main priority, and try to find links to the core of the problem. Sometimes, knowing the source of the problem doesn't necessarily solve the problem, because the target might no longer be concerned about the source of the problem, for example, someone made fun of the target, but rather the target might feel "obligation" or "appropriateness" to stay depressed as a habit that is developed into a subtle comfort pocket much earlier in their lifetime.
To sum it up, finding the source of the problem or using one method to change the mind of the target is not enough. You must search deeper into target's past to find out why certain beliefs are so stubbornly kept.
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