Do you feel that the world treats you unfairly? Is everyone around you irritating you? How do you handle it so that you don't drive everybody away? It's a matter of believing in nonsense, which is what I write.
Your temper didn't just appear in a moment's notice. It has actually been growing and developing for quite some time already. Controlling it properly will require a lot of understanding of yourself. To be able to do that, I will have to provide you some basic concepts of the source of your temper.
Your temper was created based on your need to fight. The reason you have that need is because our body has a mechanism described as "fight or flight" that helps us survive. If you have sufficient combat ability, then you fight. If you are afraid of suffering fatal damage, then you run away. In other words, your temper is your fight against your own fears. Fear might sound like a terrible emotion to have, but you have to learn to accept this natural part of yourself. Our fear is something heavens has bestowed upon us to protect us from danger, and to create new possibilities. Our intelligence is created entirely on the foundation of fear. For example, people are afraid of bacterial infection killing everone, so that fear stimulates them to create antibiotics. If there's no fear, then nothing will ever be created, and that includes innovative ideas. Accepting fear to learn and grow is one thing, but fighting it all the time isn't always the correct solution to your dilemma.
By society's standards today, we clearly don't have to fight or flight ALL the time. However, our minds and emotions are still inclined to follow our primordial ancestors' way of life. That's why in general we almost always resort to fight or flight emotional response when we face any kinds of stress. Our temper is specifically the fight response to our stress. Since we have already physically and mentally evolved very far beyond our ancestors, then it's time to catch up with our emotional control also. From the moment you read this, the goal you should have in mind is to make yourself advance beyond fight or flight mode. Fight or flight mode can still be used, but you should only consider those two modes as techniques for convenience, not a supporting pillar of your personality. To be able to do that, you will have to re-evaluate and fix your comfort pocket and selfish motivation.
Selfish motivation and comfort pocket are not something I came up with. It's something that exists inside everybody who lives in this reality. Selfish motivation is your true desires that exists deep inside you without any garbage ideas harassing it. Comfort pocket is your current personality that you can comfortably define yourself with. Even though it's not really as simple as what I just stated, but for the sake of this piece of writing, that summary should give you a rough idea of the definition of comfort pocket and selfish motivation. When you have a hot temper, it simply means that you have a comfort pocket for controlling situations with an aggressive behavior. It's also possible that you have a selfish motivation for throwing tantrums. I really hope that your selfish motivation is not inclined to do that. If you really are that way, then it means you enjoy throwing a tantrum wherever you go to express yourself. However, if it's only your comfort pocket that is skewered, then there is still better chance of controlling it in your favor.
Comfort pocket oriented temper means that you use your temper in automation to handle stress. In other words, the reason your temper is reflexively let out is because you were actually "forced" to rely on it. Since the first time you used this method to handle your problems, you have genuinely felt that it is an effective solution, so it became your comfort pocket. Comfort pockets can not be controlled by the brain, nor destroyed by any means. Even if you do manage to destroy it, you will become temporarily or permanently insane, because it's a subconscious pillar that secures your sense of being. Being overly reliant on a specific comfort pocket to handle all your life's problems is definitely a mistake, especially if that comfort pocket orients around a negative emotion. For example, whenever you try to convince someone to follow a certain plan, you always dish out your anger when you feel the atmosphere isn't going your way, and you force the target to become a submissive follower of your will. Though I have to say that is a pretty good technique to handle specific situations, especially if the individual you are facing are overly hesitant by nature, however it should not be overly used just to quickly "solve" all your problems. Brilliant and satisfying ways of life requires a constant re-evaluation of who you are, and the goals you aim to achieve. In this sense, since you already have a comfort pocket for your outrageous temper (I'm assuming it has already reached an outrageous level or you won't come and ask for help), you simply have to create new comfort pockets to overlap it's existence.
Comfort pocket overlap is not the same as erasing your old comfort pocket. In other words, even if you begin to use a new comfort pocket to solve your problems, your old comfort pocket oriented around your temper will still exist and be ready to use when you desire to. In this case, you can treat it as a technique for your own convenience instead of a black and white way to define your reputation. To overlap an old comfort pocket, you will have to develop a new comfort pocket oriented around a different emotion. For example, lets say you want to orient a comfort pocket around "relaxation", then the techniques associated with it will have to be very relaxing and comforting. For example, lets say you enjoy beating someone up when the situation doesn't go your way. One day, you suddenly decided that you want to be a more friendly individual (whatever the reason may be), so you start developing techniques that are friendly in nature. You start becoming more relaxed over stressful situations even if you normally think otherwise. As you do this, you will run into many obstacles like the urge to go into an aggressive mode. You have to learn to associate relaxing thought patterns with specific environments and situations. For example, lets say you feel like beating someone up when your expensive shoes gets dirt on it. Instead of thinking that way, start thinking about how you can clean your shoes better, or how to prevent it from being stained in the future. Your focus should be on the situation, not necessarily any specific individual that might've been the "cause" of your problems. Do this a lot and you will find yourself be able to solve more of your life problems more smoothly, because you are learning to think beyond your current limitations. Life is all about a mastery of yourself, so imagine your life starting over as a student. Comfort pocket is all about repetitions and deep thinking about yourself. Making it a complete comfort pocket will require you to overlap every part of your life that can trigger your temper to convert over to your new comfort pocket. If your car triggers your aggressiveness, start thinking deeply about changing that. If your food irritates you, then start thinking about changing your diet or way of cooking. If your friends irritates you, then it's time find new friends or think deeply about their intentions, or are you simply overly expecting things to go a specific way. Once every specific part of your life has been covered, then your comfort pocket is complete and you will rely on it from now on.
Is all of this easy? Probably not. Especially if you have been relying on your temper to solve most of your problems in your whole life. However, believe it or not, every specific environment and situations requires you to have a specific solution for it. It's just that you don't recognize it easily because you are generalizing everything with your temper. So to overlap everything with your new personality will require every specific part of your life to be specifically solved. I wish you good luck, and hope you can enjoy the new relationships you are looking for.
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